When human connection is the best medicine, ParentCare

Day care programs can be the best medicine for elders and their caregivers

From ParentCare, Fall 2005

By Margaret LeRoux mleroux@charter.net

When Peg Kenary became a widow after 58 years of marriage, her closely knit family worried that grief, in addition to her naturally reserved nature, was making her isolated.

"Mom was sad and lonely; she needed to get out of the house," explains Jean Gaucher,her daughter. Gaucher, who works fulltime and is the mother of two young children, was spending her lunch hours checking on her mother. Every afternoon on her way home from work she’d stop in for another visit with her 86-year-old mother and while there would do "a quick vacuuming; I’d wash her dishes and get her pills organized."

Gaucher and her three siblings were all concerned about their mother, yet as working parents with their own families they all felt she needed more attention during the day than they could provide.

At the library, Gaucher found The Caregiver's Guide, published by the Massachusetts Executive Office of Elder Affairs, and was amazed at the number of support services available for elders and caregivers. After meeting with Maureen Moylan, director of the social day care program at The Age Center of Worcester Area, Inc., Gaucher decided the program was just what her mother needed. The only problem was convincing her mother.

"She's a homebody," Gaucher explains. "At first she resisted; she was nervous about meeting new people. But from the first day, she just had a blast." The activity that first day was a baking project (pumpkin pie), and Kenary hadn't baked in quite a while. "She loved the baking," Gaucher says, "and she loved playing Bingo."

Soon the proud grandmother became friendly with other proud grandmothers, and the exploits of their grandchildren provided, and still provide, a steady source of conversation.

Now, Kenary attends the day care program three times a week, riding the van from her home near the Green Hill golf course. "The drivers are such caring people," Gaucher says. "They check to make sure she has her pocketbook and that she's settled."

On the two days she doesn't go to Social Day Care, Kenary appreciates being home, Gaucher says. "She has friends who come and visit." The day care program has given her mother "something to talk about, it keeps her mind going," Gaucher says. "It's the best medicine for her."

So enthusiastic is Gaucher about the benefits of social day care that she’s encouraged friends and co-workers who are caregivers to visit the program. "I've brought two people I work with who are dealing with caregiver issues to visit Social Day Care," she says. "A lot of people have no idea what help is out there for caregivers."

One phone call away

Kathy McKee is grateful that her 97-year-old mother still maintains enough of a sense of humor to appreciate a gag gift she received for Christmas, a coffee mug inscribed with "How the hell did I get to be this old?"

Alice Moran has lived with her daughter and family for more than three years, ever since a bout of congestive heart failure left her unable to continue living on her own. Until then, Moran, whose husband died 25 years ago, had maintained an apartment adjacent to the home of another daughter.

Now, her mother's age and frail health require constant care, McKee notes. Though she welcomed her mother into her home, McKee, who works as a literacy teacher at Worcester's Adult Learning Center, needed help. During her mother's recuperation from the congestive heart failure, a social worker in the rehabilitation facility suggested Summit ElderCare as an alternative to placement in a nursing home.

As a participant in Summit ElderCare, Moran gets the medical, rehabilitative, social and support services that enable her to live with her family instead of in a nursing home. An aide comes to the McKees' home to help Moran with bathing and dressing. Three mornings a week a van picks up her up to take her to Summit ElderCare's adult day health program on East Mountain Street.

"It’s a great place," McKee says. "Her doctor and nurses are there, she gets physical therapy there twice a week." Every morning, the healthcare providers meet in a group to discuss any problems or issues that the participants are facing.

For caregivers who struggle to keep abreast of information and medications from an elder parent's different healthcare providers, knowing that these providers are exchanging information can be a big relief. In Moran's case, "If a health issue arises, they’re right on the case." McKee says. She adds that her questions and requests are always answered respectfully. "I never feel that I'm putting anyone out." She recalls an incident when a potassium imbalance and a urinary tract infection caused her mother to hallucinate.

"I was frantic," she says. After she telephoned Summit Eldercare, McKee was encouraged to accompany her mother to the program site, where the elderly woman was treated. The staff made arrangements for Moran to stay overnight in a rehabilitative facility where she could be observed and her medication adjusted.

There have been other health crises as well. In the past three years, Moran has suffered the effects of two falls and, though she has recovered from a cracked pelvis and a broken hip, she no longer can walk unassisted. "Luckily, my mother's mind is still sharp," McKee says. "She’s always a step ahead of me."

As a caregiver responsible for such a very frail elder, McKee compares it to her days as a new mother. "It's a lot like caring for a baby," she says. "Your life becomes restricted."

McKee's brother, who lives in Marlboro, helps out by coming to stay with their mother on the days she doesn't go to the day health program. A sister who lives in Worcester also helps out. Nevertheless, McKee says, "Without the Summit ElderCare program, we couldn't do it."

The program offers caregiver support workshops and programs. "Anytime I need support, I can call and get help," McKee says. Introducing her elderly mother to the day care program required a period of adjustment, McKee explains. "My mother is not a social person, so it was an adjustment for her. But the staff worked together to make her feel comfortable," she says. "She understands that this is an alternative to a nursing home and she’s very happy about that."

For McKee and other caregivers, the program offers respite and peace of mind from knowing their elders are safe and happy during the day. "When I hear the van drive up, I go to the porch to welcome her home," McKee says. "I watch my mother get out and when she sees me, she has a big smile on her face."

Good for caregivers, too

Sometimes a day care program is as beneficial to caregivers as it is to the elderly participants. Joanne Price’s 90-year-old father participates in the Adult Day Health program at St. Francis Home, enabling the elderly man, who suffers from dementia, to be with others. It also gives his wife of 60 years a much needed respite.

Alfonso DiCicco and his 88-year-old wife still live in their own home, getting help from Prince, their other daughter, and their son, when he visits from his home in Vermont. Mrs. DiCicco does all the cooking, cleaning and laundry for the couple. Her daughter notes that when company comes, "My mother still makes homemade pizza from scratch."

The petite Mrs. DiCicco also cares for her husband, who suffered a stroke 12 years ago and subsequently developed symptoms of dementia. Because she is physically unable to lift him, she gets help twice a week from an aide who comes in to bathe the elderly man.

Enrolling her father in the Adult Day Health program at St. Francis Home gave him the benefits of socialization, Prince says,"…and it gives my mother peace of mind. My father isn't sitting at home all day, vegging out, watching TV."

While her husband attends the day health program Mrs. DiCicco has time to be with her daughter, who takes her grocery shopping, to her own doctor’s appointments or on errands, or to do the many household projects she takes on.

Prince says her father enjoys going to the day care program.

"He loves it. He calls it going to school.On weekends he's always asking if today is a school day," she says. The staff at the St. Francis Day Health program does an excellent job of providing activities for the elder participants, Prince notes.

"They did a history project that my father loved; he's so interested in World War II," she says. DiCicco is also a big fan of the cooking and baking projects. "My father always used to bake," Prince says. "They will make cupcakes and he enjoys frosting them."

The St. Francis program also offers participants the option of attending the Mass celebrated daily in the chapel; DiCicco is a regular attendee. He also loves to sing and performed recently with a group of five other men in a show the elders at St. Francis put on for their family and friends. The men sang, "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."

"My father had the nicest grin on his face," Prince says.

Reprinted from ParentCare.

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